The Dark Side of Scorpio Men…


Excerpt from the Book “How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign” by Adele Lang.

Being in the early stages of a relationship with a Scorpio man, I find this to be a real fucking hoot.


All those dark, brooding, monosyllabic types, who fill the pages of cheap romantic novels with their strong jaws and piercing eyes, are Scorpios. You know the story: boy meets girl. Boy tortures girl because of a series of very silly misunderstandings and because he enjoys it. Girl becomes a psychological wreck. Boy sweeps girl into his arms and mumbles something about undying love. (He has to sweep her into his arms because by this stage the poor woman has completely fallen apart.). This is where the book ends. There is a very good reason for this. Mills & Boon know what is to come is far too awful to be published. Yet, this paperback ideal of love still manages to override the common sense of most women. We find the strong, silent, manipulative type irresistible. And we sit prettily on our hope chests with our long auburn curls in charming disarray, waiting breathlessly with much fluttering of eyelashes for Scorpio to stride into our lives. (NB: Romantic heroes never walk, they always stride – manfully and purposefully. Its dreadfully tiring for them, and its one of the reasons why they are so moody and irritable.) And once a Scorpio bastard arrives? Well, there’s nothing like a spot of good-old-fashioned-bodice-ripping to get things started. Just swoon gracefully into his arms and let him have his wicked way with you. Then have your head examined.

The strong, silent type is what you should look for when purchasing white goods. Whilst these are desirable attributes in a washing machine, you won’t enjoy them in Scorpio. He is strong. Much stronger than you. Which means when there’s a fight, you’ll lose. And he is silent. Which means communication within the relationship is going to be a little one-sided. Holding back information is actually one of his favourite pastimes. Mostly because it upsets you. Well, what did you expect? Anyone described as “dark” and “brooding” is not going to be a naturally open, caring, sharing person. And Scorpio has a dark side that makes Darth Vader look like Mr. Whippy. As for brooding ability, he leaves Heathcliffe out on the moors: he’ll hold a grudge against you until the day you die. And your death will only appease him a little. However, you’ll never even know he has a grudge against you. A Scorpio bastard won’t confront you openly. That would be too much like fair play. He’s more likely to watch and wait – decades if necessary – for the chance to launch an attack when you’re not paying attention. And when it finally hits, it’ll make a stealth bomber look weak and clumsy.

Unfortunately, because of the amount of literature (if books featuring Fabio on the cover, count as literature) you’ve absorbed, you’ll class all his behavior as normal. You’ll revel in all the angst. Being miserable all the time must mean it’s true love. This is all so romantic. You’ll even be flattered by his possessiveness (despite the fact that you’re not allowed to go anywhere of see anyone). It means he can’t bear to be without you. Of course, he can’t bear to be with you either – not when there are still so many things wrong with you.

He’ll manipulate you until you become exactly what he wants you to be. Then he’ll lose respect for you, as you’re so easily manipulated. Then he’ll start looking around for someone else to manipulate. This is when you start looking around too. For reputable psychiatric help. Because, in the midst of torturing you, Scorpio will suddenly turn into a model of gentleness and consideration. He’ll even be kind to animals (standard behavior for all romantic hero types – designed to suck you into believing they have a soft, sensitive side). Don’t be fooled. Its just part if the callous game he’s playing with your mental and emotional health. His objective is to annihilate you. But if he can make you believe he is capable of such an act, it makes it all so much more fun when he actually does destroy you.

And destroy you he will. This is what Scorpio does best. And besides, its how he likes to spend his spare time. Once you are a broken mess on the floor he’ll pick you up and glue the pieces, so you are whole once more, and he can start all over again. He takes his hobby very seriously. It brings him hours of enjoyment and allows him to explore his destructive talents. And you’ll get something out of it too. A hobby of your own: a lifelong obsession with him. Which allows you to spend your spare time in expensive 12-step programs undergoing extensive counselling. Check into group therapy when you find yourself getting upset just because he is sleeping with other women. It’s really none of your business. You are only his girlfriend / wife / mother of his children. And anyway, you’ll meet his mistress soon enough when she joins the group after she discovers he is doing the same thing to her. Then you can console each other about your mutual stupidity. You’ll both be introduced to a nationwide Unhealthily Obsessed Co-dependant Support Network for Women who have dated Scorpio. It comes with a 24-hour hotline, which you’ll put to very good use. (This is a free-of-charge service, one of many sponsored by the Aspiring Romantic Novelists Association who use it for research purposes.)

The reason Scorpio inspires such obsessive behavior is because he is so obsessive himself – about sex. He thinks about it twice as much as other men, which basically means it’s on his mind all the time. Which makes him the blueprint for the complete and utter bastard. Which in turn, makes women think he’s sexy. Which therefore means he really can’t help but catch one or two of the airborne little-black-dress-clad oestrogen packages continually heading his way. (Warning: Don’t be tempted to have an affair yourself to get back at your Scorpio bastard. Right now, you’re in no emotional state to witness a jealous streak the size of the San Andreas Fault. This is probably unnecessary advice, as you won’t have time between those ever-increasing therapy sessions and that compulsive shopping habit you recently developed. And, lets face it, the nervous twitch and chronic alcoholism aren’t exactly going to be attracting men in droves.)

If it helps your sanity, blame the other poor, obsessed women. Or their therapists. Or the government. Or, better yet, blame yourself. No one forced you to read all those ridiculous love stories. You wanted a club-wielding, hair-dragging, heroic bastard. You’ve got him. Now you have to live with him. So, just throw yourself into his arms or under the next passing truck. Either way, the ending will be the same.

When a Scorpio bastard looks at you, you will feel a strong urge to shed your underwear. He will have this baffling effect upon you, even if you’re in a very public place and you find him most unattractive.

Follow the trail of emotional wrecks to his door. Or, better still, let him find you. Because then, at least, you won’t be the one who started the relationship which ruined your life.

Be sunny and happy and full of life. He won’t be able to resist the challenge of luring you into the pits of hell. Once there, just be whatever he wants you to be. Holding onto your personality will only cause you a lot of unnecessary pain.

Scorpio will charm you into submission. Or else he’ll worm his way into your life and affections without you noticing – like cancer or some other terminal disease. And after just one date, he’ll know everything there is to know about you, and you’ll know absolutely nothing about him. This sets the tone for the entire relationship.

Because Scorpio has so many hidden agendas, you’ll never be able to pick the right time. So go to bed when he wants to, generally just after you’ve been introduced. (Tip: When you do it, make like a porn star, but somehow give the impression you’ve never done it before.)

When you feel the inclination to do this, have yourself committed.

Trying to exact revenge will only serve to amuse Scorpio, as your attempts will seem so amateur. Besides, he’ll be flattered he still has total control over your emotions and your life. On the other hand, running after him, doing your best impersonation of a doormat will only invite him to clean his boots on you. Don’t waste your energy. You’ll need it over the next few years, just to get through therapy.

He’ll get over it. If, however, he thinks you’ve slighted him, its best to watch out for yourself and take extra precautions for the next ten or 20 years – at least.

  1. Ginger said:

    Omg, this is the pattern I see with a Scorpio I am leaving……… I am a 48 year old cancer women. I am fed up off and on 6 months…… On to the next one…… Let him put the nail in the coffin, play dead and move on…….. Don’t look back sometimes you have to loose the war to winter war…….. Let others love you.. Share the love and be happy


  2. Anonymous said:

    Oh boy, I am possibly getting started with one.. Well it kind of started over a year ago but due to a move and his attempts at mind-bending it’s been draggggged out. We are young, 21 and 22, so maybe we can stop the bad habits before they get started.. prevention… but, ohhhh boy, a lot of this rings true. The possessiveness. We don’t even have an agreement to each other but the shielding from other men (or attempts. i am so far away :P) are there. And flattering, at this distance. Maybe if we can keep this thing relatively sane without letting it heat up too quick, this article won’t apply!


  3. Tripnik said:

    Wow…. My Scorpio to the core.. He’s in jail for domestic violence on me… After only 10 months of dating


  4. Anonymous said:

    This is so accurate i couldn’t stop laughing!! Especially the HOW TO SPOT ONE section. Unbelievable! Is it too late to run and never look back??


  5. Anonymous said:

    Omg.. This describes my scorpio completely. Been off and on with him for about 8 years. And as a Capricorn, he can be too much to deal with at times.


  6. April said:

    WOW!!! What a waste of a life an ne e r find true happiness. He tried to play me I called him out on his B S. He went silent, no fighting back nothing. Should I be worried?


    • Anonymous said:

      yes mam april
      I am a scorpio
      that mf is just testing you with the silence
      ….I would say slowly let him go….. very slowly and make him happy so he won’t think twice to come back at ya lol

      Liked by 1 person

  7. ocolshit said:

    Just remember everyone this is just the dark side of Scorpio men ;) They have so many redeeming qualities like loyalty, depth of love, passion, and confidence!


  8. ayy, im a scorpio, im 19 years old, and most of that is true, but its only like that because of bad experiences we been through, we are more then the dark side that ever one points out, who don’t have a darkside? like scarface say ”you need people like me to point your finger at and say that’s the bad guy”. but really most woman want control and want a nigga to just give in, it don’t work like that


    • Goddess69 said:

      Some women want to give the control to their man, granted he’s trustworthy and has the vision to lead us I’m the right direction. That’s why Scorpio men are good with cancer women. I’m in no way weak but I’m feminine and lovely enough to let a man be a man. Even at 19, you sound very strong in your words. I hope you sore like an eagle and never crawl like a lizard, no matter what life deals you.
      Take care, young Sir.


      • Scp Woman said:

        You’re nuts and completely brainwashed if you think a Scorpio man will lead you in the right direction. Let him destroy you and see how you feel then. I’ve been there–twice.


      • I kind of agree… Still feeling the burn from one.


  9. Jamie said:

    A little one sided, we Scorpio men are bastards and that’s it! they’re are so much good about Scorpios, just don’t wrong them.


    • Oh I know.. This is quite funny to read but obviously an exaggeration. I’m dating a scorpio man now and he’s lovely.


      • Anonymous said:

        Just seems a bit harsh, makes me feel bad


  10. maria said:

    my god.i just got saved from entering into a relatiopnship with this fu****ng scorpio bastard…they are really mean.plz girls if u r fun loving person dont ever commit to a scorpio.


  11. Anonymous said:

    damn. this was hilarious and slightly terrifying at the same time. as a cancer i’ve fallen for a scorpio and it’s a constant battle of emotions with him. he’s just hiding things and playing it cool because he’s been hurt before (obviously) and thinks that all women run game so he has to do that same.

    as far as them being mean, he says slick things out of his mouth that i often overlook, i don’t feel damaged by it. i am a caring and sharing kind of girl but i also have a sense of humor and grain of sarcasm that carries me. i find that it’s just (telling the truth) that they can’t handle so actually they’re the ones who lose and not us.

    if you’re the type of girl that needs constant attention then being with a scorpio is not for you. when they GIVE you the attention it’s addictive but sooner or later it falls off, suddenly, and you’re left wondering what happened and why you’re so hooked on it in the first place? they commit themselves to a lot of things unnecessarily because they like adventure even though they seem stand off-ish, but that will get in the way of his ability to commit his time and efforts to you fully.


  12. ann-onymous said:

    I have to say that I adored the article. It was extremely hilarious and I found myself really laughing out loud. Moreover, the English is impeccable, which I truly appreciate. I am a Libra sun with Sag rising moon. My Scorpio off-on boyfriend since Nov 2013 (he’s in his 50s, and I’m in my 40s!) has sent me to the brink of insanity and in all honesty, I did have to go through therapy because he had taken out a lot of his past baggage on me to the point of me harboring suicidal ideations. Thank goodness I never allowed myself to be hurled over the precipice into the abyss far below, catapulted into clinical depression, only by sheer willpower and the refusal to admit to defeat. He was damaged as a child and his ex wife is still torturing him, hence I became his proverbial punching bag. I do stand up to him sometimes, but otherwise I am extremely patient with him. With my Sag rising traits, from the second he began pursuing me, I had the strongest urge to run from him, but I was caught and stood there stripped to the core, mesmerized by the scorpion circling me with his mighty stinger poised and ready to strike, should I had even dared to sneeze.
    The first three months were blissful, romantic and utterly intense. Then came the mental and emotional abuse. He held me in his powerful pincers and continously lashed out at me. I was told by psychics to stand my ground as I was helping him heal his hurt, and that I would be spared the pain later when I felt that I could not go on, and that later this year, all things will turn around and he will love me more than he ever did in the past, and next year ask me for my hand in marriage. I think his venom just made my neuromuscular system so numb, affording me the strength to endure his pain for him while he chose to neglect me except to vindictively jab and prod me intermittently with that stinger of his to ensure that I was still breathing. I clung on by sheer willpower. True to their predictions, he is now returning to me with renewed interest, even though he kept me around all this time, while I lived my own life and would be there for him when he needed me. He has been testing me and is now finally coming to terms with how he truly feels for me, and knowing that I loved him in spite of everything I went through with and for him. I know that he IS the one, as he is learning that I am the one for him.
    I had only ever been with Leos and have never experienced anything with a Scorpio. I had begun reading about astrological traits within this month and have learned so much about Scorpios, and had grown a lot through my ordeal with him. I know to allow him to take the lead in some things, but to never back down when I know I am right.
    The ride will still be bumpy for a little while, but I’m prepared for it. Obsession, you say? I win that category, hands down. Strength, you mention? I’ll share that one with him, true to my Libra sun self.
    Why, you ask? Because he’s special, and I am a healer by trade.


    • ocolshit said:

      Great comment!! You might be interested in checking out the book with similar pieces for each star sign. Very funny stuff check out the link above.


      • ann-onymous said:

        I cannot wait to read it.


  13. Preethi D'souza said:

    First & foremost not all scorpios are bastards..Im in love with one for a yr & a half n he loves me crazy….
    mills & boons are just fictional books ,you hav just characterized all the guys from mills & boons as scorpios…i have read a few mills & boons & trust me nowhere does it state that the guys are scorpio.
    my guy is strong,silent manipulative only those who have used or manipulated him & absolutely irresistable.these men take time to know their women,yeah they crave sex but they respect you & your body more…
    Its true I lose many fights but den not all are winners & if it means losing a fight to save your relation & letting go of your ego,im all for it…i cant lose him.Yes! hes the silent type ,only talks what he wants to,wont pour out his heart & cry at the drop of a hat.Its not that holding back information is his favourite passtime,he holds back cause hes afraid of being hurt & dissapointed…he’s felt & seen pain,they are human after all.
    He holds a grudge but against those who have used him,played with his feelings never against those who love him.We fight a lot but he holds no grudge against me…yes hes hurt at times cause being a sagittarius i’m quite outspoken & blunt…
    He admits that he is not a saint…he is a scorpio,tell me now which other guy from any sign says guy is not possessive,surprisingly I am…he does not want to change me but yes he does point out facts which I find hard to digest..
    scorpios are kind to animals , my sister being a scorpio has two dogs but does not treat them differently…she loves them & calls them her children..they do have a sensitive side & trust me you have no idea of the wealth of emotions that run thru them for the people whom they love.
    scorpios are not destructive..they love one person & are loyal no matter what..I feel bad for the author…you just met the wrong person & trust me not all of them are like what you described here.
    OMG!!! he is so in love with himself but then thats perfectly ok…cause truth be told if you cannot love yourself how can you love another.we cannot be together but that doesnt mean i wont stand by him ..what you’ve written here is the work of a mean ,lost ,vindictive ,spiteful person who cant accept the fact that a scorpio left them cause of their hatefullness….

    HOW TO SPOT ONE- when a scorpio looks at you ,you know your desired .
    WHERE TO FIND ONE- they are everywhere….you will find them when you have to .
    HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE-be yourself,yes he loves a person full of life cause he knows your gonna be his salvation.
    THE FIRST DATE-he kept his distance, we spoke ,had donuts out ,kissed only my hand & wished me goodnight…i initiated the first kiss cause he was soooo carefull with me…ohh god!
    WHEN TO DO THE DEED – he gave me enough time,never forced himself…waited till I was ready.
    WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION- it wil happen in time….trust me.
    IF HE DROPS YOU -give them time ..they need their space so often at times you think its over ..but if your love is true they will be back…
    IF YOU DROP HIM- trust me its difficult to forget him…or drop him…


    • ocolshit said:

      Great perspective! Indeed they are hard to forget :(


  14. I had posted a comment here about scorpios ..why is my post not showing….


  15. Anonymous said:

    That’s the serpent form a Scorpio, I’m an Eagle, all Scorps aren’t alike #FYI


  16. ann-onymous said:

    I read the book. It’s absolutely hilarious, such a fun read that I devoured it in no time at all. Thank you for calling our attention to the book.


      • Anonymous said:

        Well I’m in a relationship with my best friend who is a Scorpio an he was always there in the beginning staying over hanging out an then he stop. I barley see him all we do is text an I think he is living a double life he is so secretive. I ask to see him some times an it’s always a excuse I recently seen something on his IG page which has me to believe he is living a double life I put the pieces together times dates ect an.I think he is living it but if he was my BestFriend why not just keep it real with me I don’t kno if it’s true hope it’s not because I will be hurt an heart broken. Tell me what do you think I should do??


      • ocolshit said:

        Trust is the foundation of every relationship worth having. If you don’t trust him you need to determine if that’s an issue with you, or an issue with him.


  17. Queen Cobra said:

    So on point, I enjoyed reading this..Great pointers


  18. Anonymous said:

    I’m a Scorpio and this stuff is not true for all of us. And I say not All of us because I has a twin and he is a barnyard.


  19. becky said:

    One lil thing: as an aries woman, i WILL come out on top. No man will ever drag me into the depths of hell. Try if you like but i will be on the cliff face looking down at you laughing at your well thought out but still ineffective attempt. There is a reason the aries are first in the zodiac!


  20. Scp Woman said:

    I’m a Scorpio Woman and I have loved two of these bastards. I can’t believe I was fool enough after the first one. Both of them played emotionally manipulative games that drove my self-esteem to nothing; they would pick fights all the time just to “make up” so that they could try to make everything “romantic” again. I lost all desire for the second one after the first 3-1/2 months, because I never felt the same after he started to talk about his ex and put me down repeatedly, accusing ME of starting the arguments! I can tell you, the women are much different than the men, at least I am. I don’t like fighting or playing games. My Chiron is in Aries and my Mercury is in Libra, so I pretty much tell it like it is! Not everyone likes that, but at least I’m up front; I don’t try to make people “guess” what I’m feeling and then attack them when they try. I know if I ever meet another Scorpio man, I will run for the hills and never look back; I have completely lost my self-confidence and sanity because of the last one. I deserve better than to be made to feel like garbage.


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